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Jan. 17th, 2024 02:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nowiammyselflately i've been thinking a lot about kissing (my god im so lonely etc etc give me one good movie kiss and i'll be alright etc etc).
i haven't been kissed in so long. the last time was while someone was fucking me (while, not before), in the most vulgar sense of the word - devoid of intimacy and love - with someone who never kissed me unless he was inside me, kisses that i didn't want because they didn't mean anything. kisses undeserving of the title. just meaningless, passionless, gross wet mouths pressed together, a tongue invading my mouth like a country invades another. an angry collision, an animal desperation.
lately i've been thinking about when i begged for kisses, for a good bye kiss, for a good night kiss. i'd ask and ask and beg and beg and dream and dream. a kiss on my lips reluctantly given. pretendingdesperatelydreaming that i was wanted.
when was the last time i was kissed, genuinely kissed, and i felt something? a kiss that was electric, pure chemistry, burning desire, magnetic attraction? it was pre-pandemic, a lifetime ago.
all my best kisses, divorced from their context, seems magical. stand alone they were. under the orange glow of the street lights, sitting on cobblestone breathless after a run in the chilly mountain air, inhibitions loosened by pox with pineapple juice, drink after drink. unprompted (i didn't ask!) lips colliding against my own, a strike of lightning. my life ruined. the start of a downward spiral. but if i don't focus on that, it was a great kiss.
or the time under the hot ohioan summer sun, in the thick humid air, i was wearing a soft white blouse that tied in the back. my curls came undone in the humidity. roaming the city's largest bookstore, green carpet underneath our feet. a simple, sweet parting kiss i had dreamed about. i didn't know i was one of many; i didn't know that my story stayed simple and sweet while the other girls' turned sinister.
nobody has kissed me in a long time. can a kiss still feel magical? is it only something a girl dreams up? don't men just kiss as the precursor to fucking? i don't know. i miss the magic but i don't believe in it anymore.
i haven't been kissed in so long. the last time was while someone was fucking me (while, not before), in the most vulgar sense of the word - devoid of intimacy and love - with someone who never kissed me unless he was inside me, kisses that i didn't want because they didn't mean anything. kisses undeserving of the title. just meaningless, passionless, gross wet mouths pressed together, a tongue invading my mouth like a country invades another. an angry collision, an animal desperation.
lately i've been thinking about when i begged for kisses, for a good bye kiss, for a good night kiss. i'd ask and ask and beg and beg and dream and dream. a kiss on my lips reluctantly given. pretendingdesperatelydreaming that i was wanted.
when was the last time i was kissed, genuinely kissed, and i felt something? a kiss that was electric, pure chemistry, burning desire, magnetic attraction? it was pre-pandemic, a lifetime ago.
all my best kisses, divorced from their context, seems magical. stand alone they were. under the orange glow of the street lights, sitting on cobblestone breathless after a run in the chilly mountain air, inhibitions loosened by pox with pineapple juice, drink after drink. unprompted (i didn't ask!) lips colliding against my own, a strike of lightning. my life ruined. the start of a downward spiral. but if i don't focus on that, it was a great kiss.
or the time under the hot ohioan summer sun, in the thick humid air, i was wearing a soft white blouse that tied in the back. my curls came undone in the humidity. roaming the city's largest bookstore, green carpet underneath our feet. a simple, sweet parting kiss i had dreamed about. i didn't know i was one of many; i didn't know that my story stayed simple and sweet while the other girls' turned sinister.
nobody has kissed me in a long time. can a kiss still feel magical? is it only something a girl dreams up? don't men just kiss as the precursor to fucking? i don't know. i miss the magic but i don't believe in it anymore.
