a loser moves to spain
Jan. 10th, 2024 09:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nowiammyselfSidewalks crowded with tables, tables full of friends, wine in hand, caña in hand, chips on the table. I weave in and out of foot traffic, in and out of laughter, staring blankly ahead, passing by unperceived.
€.40 baguette. I buy it and hidden in my room I take bite after ravenous bite until it's all gone.
Off-brand Haribo sour 'spghetti. €.79. I shove it in my mouth and feel the dopamine flood my brain.
I sit on my bed. I sit on my bed in silence (I hear the neighbors through my windows, talking, yelling, laughing, washing dishes, watching tv, playing music). I sit in my bed and stare at the walls. I sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I sit in my bed and stare at my phone, refresh the same apps, lay the phone face down on my bed, repeat.
Sidewalks crowded with tables, tables full of friends. I walk straight ahead, strong stride, standing tall, fast paced, past the old couple, past the group of 4 friends taking up the whole side walk. I dip into the street to pass them. The world alive, a city alive, and I pass through unperceived.
Feet hitting cobblestone. Old buildings tower over me. I cut like a knife through groups of tourists, tourist families, tourist friends. English, Spanish, Mandarin. Talking, laughing, marveling, posing for photos, taking selfies. I try to dodge the click of the camera. I walk fast, shoes pounding cobblestone, thinking about all the other shoes that stepped here before me over the years and decades and centuries, and I pass by unperceived.
€.40 baguette. I buy it and hidden in my room I take bite after ravenous bite until it's all gone.
Off-brand Haribo sour 'spghetti. €.79. I shove it in my mouth and feel the dopamine flood my brain.
I sit on my bed. I sit on my bed in silence (I hear the neighbors through my windows, talking, yelling, laughing, washing dishes, watching tv, playing music). I sit in my bed and stare at the walls. I sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I sit in my bed and stare at my phone, refresh the same apps, lay the phone face down on my bed, repeat.
Sidewalks crowded with tables, tables full of friends. I walk straight ahead, strong stride, standing tall, fast paced, past the old couple, past the group of 4 friends taking up the whole side walk. I dip into the street to pass them. The world alive, a city alive, and I pass through unperceived.
Feet hitting cobblestone. Old buildings tower over me. I cut like a knife through groups of tourists, tourist families, tourist friends. English, Spanish, Mandarin. Talking, laughing, marveling, posing for photos, taking selfies. I try to dodge the click of the camera. I walk fast, shoes pounding cobblestone, thinking about all the other shoes that stepped here before me over the years and decades and centuries, and I pass by unperceived.
